Wednesday, April 6, 2011

One month changes sooo much.

I can't believe its been a month since I've been on here.  I warned everyone about march madness though.

Classes ended and I started my externship.  I've been working 12 hour shifts, about 3 days a week, at a local urgent care facility.  Think the fast track in an ER.  I see everything from sore throats to lacerations to possibly broken bones.  Its pretty freakin awesome. 

With that said... I've been busy.  And exhausted.   For those of you who are playing the home game, I've been out of work for almost a year.  Hence school for the past nine months, sitting on my ever loving fat ass, for nine months.  Also, the job that I did have... was a desk job.  So that was a year and half sitting on my fat ass at that office.   So I haven't worked on my feet in about 3 years.  Yeah.  Plus I've gained weight in those 3 years so my feet and knees are currently not speaking to me.  They have decided to wait patiently for my surgery, and then maybe just MAYBE they'll come around once I take some lbs off them.   My left knee, however... is being a spiteful C U Next Tuesday.  I've pretty much got bone on bone going on in my left knee... so it doesnt bother me while I'm on it all day... its when I sit down and stop for 5 minutes... it stiffens up and locks up and then I walk funny and people wanna know who the special girl is and why are they letting her touch patients.  Anyway.

In all of this... I had gone to the surgeon and found out I'm down 50 lbs since December.  **Confetti and Applause**  Thanks. I know.  I'm awesome.  

At least I was.  50 lbs down and the self sabotage (insert beastie boys SABOTAGE here) sets in.  Thats currently where I am now.  Self sabotage.   I dont do it on purpose.  Its a "I'm down 50 lbs and I'm about to have a surgery where I won't be able to eat much or eat a  lot of what I like afterwards... let me just eat this snickers.  and this box of mashed potatoes.  and yes, i'll have fries with that.  Supersize".  and yeah.  lets talk about the drinking I've been doing.   I've been going out more with friends because I want to actually be a 22 year old and have a life... and I forgot how much I like margaritas.  and beer.  and shots.  (SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!!!)  Again... its that whole... Who knows when I'll drink again after my surgery.

Oh. Yeah.  And I havent been to a gym in like 2 weeks because I'm exhausted and my knee is messed up.

(haha.  speaking of not being at the gym for the past few weeks, Tyrome just texted me "where the hell are you".   He's been on vacation so I guess he just found out I havent been there.... oops.  )

I have no idea why I do this.   I've probably put on like 6 pounds within the 2 weeks of bad eating I've been doing.  I want this surgery.  I need this surgery.   I have to break up with food.  I know I turn to food for comfort.  I know this logically.  I've been able to turn it off in the past and not have that type of relationship with food.  I was just doing it.  I'll take suggestions on what to do at this point because I need to get my eating under control ... aside from therapy.  Because i beat ya to that one ;)

I've made the decision to see someone to talk to regarding my issues with food.  I'd like to start seeing someone before my surgery so I don't break my pouch once I get it.

Anyway.  As for happy news.  I see my surgeon again on the 12th and that will be my 5th weigh in.  SOOOOOOO.  that means.. I book my surgery on the 12th!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :)

So thats about it.   I'm running on E while self sabotage rears its ugly fat ass.  C'est la vie..  I'll get through this.