Friday, March 9, 2012

Happy as a hippo.

Its a simple concept really.  A novel idea.  The state of happiness is something everyone strives for. 

In the simplest terms, all happiness is ... is the state of being happy.  Having good fortune, contentment, joy.

Everyone just wants to be happy, correct?

I think its one thing if you feel happy... but when others notice, and comment on how happy you are... I think that's the best part and how you know you actually are happy.

Last night I was at a going away party for some old friends.  These are people who have known me since I was 16.  I was a pretty nasty teenager.  A lot of people can tell you that.  More than the usual "teen angst" . I was nasty and bitter and a straight up bitch for 98% of the time.  I hated pretty much everyone and everything.  I was a miserable girl.

I knew I was angry back then... but I never really realized how much effort and energy I spent into being SO nasty to people, until recently. 

I was angry because of my home situation, my weight, still being too young to have as much freedom as my older friends, school.  Typical crap.  But I took my anger to a whole new level.  Of course I was still friendly and I still had fun with my friends... But I would throw temper tantrums over stupid shit.

After like 2-3 years of friendship... me and a few of these people had a falling out.  A bad one.  It was childish and stupid and I can admit that now.  We said nasty things for a lot of reasons, but mainly it was to just be bitches.

Then about a year or two ago... we decided to occasionally get together.  We knew our relationship could never go back to how we used to be.  (and we were super close... we spent almost all of our time together) But... now we had a nice, adult, civil relationship.

Now that two of them are moving, not only IN with each other after a 6 year relationship together (which I watched happen and develop right before my very eyes lol) ... but they are moving to Virginia.

So last night we had a going away party at their favorite bar.  Its been a few months since I've seen all of them... probably since like September...  and I was bringing Tom.   I was always single or just hooking up with people when we were friends back in the day... so they have never seen me with a boyfriend. 

And I was also about 50lbs lighter than the last time they'd seen me. 

And I was dressed like an adult.

The reactions to the weight loss are always the best.  I won't lie.

"Where did the other half of you go" I think is at the point my favorite thing to hear... because in 6lbs... I will have lost 1/2 of myself.  Literally.

I was so excited to see everyone too.   Its really nice to see the people who have seen you at your worst and know they still care about you.   Its really nice to be able to say "Oh man... remember when we did this".  Its really nice to have that.  Those lifelong friends even if you dont spend every moment with them.

Everyone thought Tom seemed really great and everything.  Which... well.. duh.  I've got a pretty awesome boyfriend.

After Tom left, I was talking to Fred... and he just kept saying how happy I looked and he asked me if I was happy.

And I smiled and said... "yeah... I am.  What a novel fuckin concept".   He gave me the answer "I'm happy you're happy" and gave me one of the biggest hugs this guy has ever given me.

And this time... when I said... "I am"  I wasn't lying.

I am genuinely happy.

I have my life back again.  I did something amazing for myself. I'm back in school to follow a career I'm incredibly passionate about. I have the most amazing group of friends.  I have an incredible boyfriend and a serious, functional, HEALTHY relationship.

I'm happy. We've all grown up.  We might have grown apart in some ways... but we found our way back to each other in new ways. 

I'm happy for my friends that are taking the next step of their lives together.  I'm happy we're friends again.  I'm happy I'm planning to visit them once they're settled in.

I'm just happy.

Happy as a hippo.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

What my body can do...

So.  After my last post... we all know how we feel about my body.  Love to hate, hate to love.  You get the gist.

Well.  What I'm trying to do now is make some cognitive changes.  By that I mean, I'm attempting to change my thought process regarding my body.

Instead of focusing on *what my body looks like*... I want to focus on what my body *CAN DO*

This is what I've got so far:
I can ride a bike.  Actually.. I rode that bike for almost 15 miles this past Sunday.  Tom and I are planning to do the 5 Borough Bike Tour which is about 40 miles.  Thats on May 6th.

I can run a mile 13:07.  Thats what I did today.   Last March I posted on my blog that on my second fitness test at my gym I ran the mile in about 16:06.

(Confession time:  I did have that time on the tredmill.. however...  I didn't run the whole thing.  I did put my feet up on the side for quite a bit and just let the machine go...  so... yeah.)

I have a running goal:  One 5k every month starting in April until November ( i figure I'll do the turkey trot... it sounds fun)

My body can also do push ups.  25.  Like real push ups.  Back straight, ass down, up and down.  (my forearms even have MUSCLE DEFINITION!!! holy crap!)

My body is pretty awesome at yoga poses.  And balancing.  And the flexible stuff.

My body is pretty awesome. And I have to tell myself that... because...