Thursday, July 14, 2011

I hate food.

I hate food.  I really truly do.  And its not because I can't eat anything.. because I can eat tons of stuff.. I just don't want any of it. I came to this conclusion the other day where after not wanting to eat anything, and then having oreos and chips and rice krispie treats call out my name... (and no..  I didn't eat ANY of it)... I made an omelette thing instead and had like... 5 bites. But...   I have no appetite... but I knew this would happen.  So I set my alarm to go off every few hours to tell me when to eat.  So then I have to figure out what I want to eat.  Now...I have this thing.. where if I'm not actually in the mood for food... I won't eat.  Whether I'm hungry or not... if something doesnt strike me... I won't eat.  I havent always had this (because I'm sure if I did I wouldn't have made it up to 346lbs)... I acquired it during my pre-op dieting.... to deter myself from eating crap. 

So that stuck.  So now.. since I'm never hungry... I never EVER want anything to eat.  Nothing ever sounds appealing because I'm either a: terrified its going to make me sick or b: I simply don't like how it sounds.

So yeah.  I hate food.  I'm terrified of most things.  Like I tried some turkey pepperoni...nope. The pouch doesn't like it.  Green beans? Fuhgeddaboudit. Not happenin'.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not upset about this... which is weird... and I don't for one second regret my surgery...

But going from eating EVERYTHING EVER... to not wanting to eat anything at all...

its annoying as FUCK! 

Like food and I were besties.  Biffles.  Heterolifemates, if you will.  Me and Salt and Vinegar chips... we were gunna make babies.  Now... I look at my pantry of stuffs ( I live with a 10 yr old so snacks are always readily available in my house) and it makes me sick.  I read labels of stuff I used to eat... and it grosses me out.

Okay. End my hatred of food rant.   I wish things were simple and I could just drink my isopure drinks that I love so much all the time.  But I can't.  Because I need to eat real food. So I can have a healthy life and not die of malnutrition and be like this chick.  I don't want to be mad at food forever and get sick and die.  That wasn't the point of this surgery.  The point of this surgery was so I can become healthy and live my life.  Not be a super skinny bitch and drop dead because my heart gave out because my body was starved and fed off its own muscle.  Cause that does happen. 

So... my plan is this:  Every sunday I am going to print out 7 new recipes I find on the interwebs and once night a week I am going to be making them for dinner.  and probably left overs for lunch and what not. 

And... starting monday... I am going to go to the gym every day to try all the classes they offer so I can see exactly what I like and don't like so I can make a schedule of when to go.  However.. I won't be doing yoga.  Apparently I'm to high strung for that kind of thing.  Whatever. That yoga teacher can go zen her ass.

Anyway... recipe ideas are appreciated :)   Please! and thank you!


My awesome fellow blogger Sam just redid her blog and it is BANGIN!

To celebrate that ( and her 6th month post-op) she is giving away an itunes giftcard!!! 

Everyone can go here to enter!!!

^ Isnt her lil button adorable?? Loves it!

1 comment:

  1. OMG! Um... carrots, parsnips, and a potato?! Did no one tell this chick about protein requirements?!