Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Identity crisis?

So.  okay.  Lately I've been accused of being somewhat of a narcissist because of the pictures I post on my facebook.  

Fine.  I admit it... I have been posting a lot more pictures of myself lately.  But .... I'm really excited about them because I can see the weight loss in pictures.  I can't see it in the mirror.  I can't see it looking at myself.   Its almost like I'm having an identity crisis.  Its a fight between my eyes and whats actually going on. 

I have days where I can see it. Mostly in my face or when I'm staring at my body in the mirror pre or post shower and examining the extra skin situation.  I can see that my rolls are disappearing.  I've actually lost some rolls..  I know that sounds weird, but fat people know what I'm talking about.  You get rolls.  I used to count them.  I used to refer to them as my other guts.  I wish I had taken more pictures of my body before surgery.  Like of my actual body, those ones where the pre-op people are in their sports bras and shorts .... just so I can really see how big my physical body was.  Like...I know how big I was... I was 346 pounds.  But I really don't have a lot of pictures at that weight.  because it was embarrassing.  Now... I'm not so embarrassed anymore.  So sue me.  And also.... let me just say this... I've always said MYSELF... that I'm narcissistic and full of myself.  So... I'm just sayin. ... I gave everyone fair warning.  I make no apologies.

Another thing I'd like to discuss is perspective.  Okay.  So like I've mentioned before...  I'm part of a WLS group on Facebook, and its awesome.  Its really nice to have a group of people right at my finger tips that I can bitch, open up, get inpired, have fun with, talk about everything... that have all gone through the same thing I am pretty much at the same times I have. We're all losing awesomely.

But there are sometimes when someone will post that they are about the same as me and down more weight than me.  Like... they'll be down 80 and I'm down about 60 since surgery.   And its hard for me sometimes because I feel like.. maybe I'm not doing the right thing.  Why am I not losing as fast or as much as this person.

And I'm not the only one who feels like this.... because once in a while one of us will post a "OMGIMNOTLOSINGFASTENOUGHWHATSWRONGWITHME?!!?!" type of post.

I am just over 3 months post op.  14 weeks exactly.  I'm down 60 lbs.  Thats over 4lbs a week.  ... 60 POUNDS IN 3 MONTHS.  It took me over 5 months pre-op to lose the 50 that I had to lose. 

60 lbs in 3 months with little to no exercise (i'll be honest! I've been a lazy butt)

so yeah.  Thats my perspective.  I'm losing and thats all that matters :)

So I did buy a scale: I weighed myself this morning...
Bye bye 240s!!!!
I am now down 110lbs.  Since December 28th. 

 I am going to do my best to not weigh myself everyday.  Or, if I do end up weighing myself everyday.. . I will only step on the scale ONCE that day.  But I'm going to be trying really hard to not make a habit of it.

To calm my insanity with my perspective issues...

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