Monday, June 6, 2011

The what ifs are setting up camp in my head...

All the post-op what ifs are coming into my brain, setting up shop, and driving me crazy. 

I saw my family last night for the first time really since my surgery and they all kept saying how great I look and asking me how much I lost so far and if I feel different.

What they don't know is that in my head I'm freaking the fuck out because I don't see a difference,  I don't feel any different, and I have no idea how much I lost since my last dr appointment because A: I don't own a scale and B: I'm terrified to step on a scale because I don't think I've lost anything since my last appointment.

I was joking around with mom yesterday and I said I don't feel any different and I think my pouch is broken.  I know this is all the post-op crazies coming into play and I know that the weight WILL come off, and my pouch isn't broken.  I know this all LOGICALLY, but my crazy still comes out and I knew this would happen ... because thats what happens.

I was talking to Joanne about instant gratification (IG) stuff because we were talking about how we just want things NOW. And IG has always been an issue for me.  I want it and I want it now, think Veruca Salt with the golden geese...  Yeah.  I knew the surgery wasn't a quick fix... I knew that it will still take time and everything... I just wish I could see the difference.

And on top  of the crazy... I'm hormonal as ALLLL HELLLL. 


1 comment:

  1. It wasn't until I started dropping sizes that it actually felt real. The other day I was shopping and out of old habit went directly to the bottom of the pile, so not as to get my hopes up if it wouldn't fit. Then I realized I'm not at the bottom, I'm actually towards the top!

    What really helped me was taking pictures. I couldn't tell much of a difference from month to month, but from 1st to 2nd month or 1st to 3rd month you could really see it! Good luck!