Things I Wanna Do With My Soon To Be Skinny Life

This is a list of things that I would like to do when I am my future skinny self.  In no particular order:

• Bungee Jump
• Sky Dive
• Dance in a cage
• Hang Glide
• Zip Line over the Grand Canyon (I'm sure this is possible...)
• Scuba Dive
• Dance in a cage while surrounded by sharks
• Lay naked on a beach
• Learn how to surf
• Cartwheel for one mile
• Pole Dance (and get paid to do it.)
• Run a 5K, 10K, Half Marathon and then a Marathon (those will be in that order) 
• Climb more mountains
• Rock Climb
• Become a personal trainer
• Learn how to country line dance
• write a book about my WLS journey
• Marry a New York Ranger

This is just what popped into my head now.  I'll be adding to this list as time goes on and my ass gets skinnier.  

I hate food.

I hate food.  I really truly do.  And its not because I can't eat anything.. because I can eat tons of stuff.. I just don't want any of it. I came to this conclusion the other day where after not wanting to eat anything, and then having oreos and chips and rice krispie treats call out my name... (and no..  I didn't eat ANY of it)... I made an omelette thing instead and had like... 5 bites. But...   I have no appetite... but I knew this would happen.  So I set my alarm to go off every few hours to tell me when to eat.  So then I have to figure out what I want to eat.  Now...I have this thing.. where if I'm not actually in the mood for food... I won't eat.  Whether I'm hungry or not... if something doesnt strike me... I won't eat.  I havent always had this (because I'm sure if I did I wouldn't have made it up to 346lbs)... I acquired it during my pre-op dieting.... to deter myself from eating crap. 


So that stuck.  So now.. since I'm never hungry... I never EVER want anything to eat.  Nothing ever sounds appealing because I'm either a: terrified its going to make me sick or b: I simply don't like how it sounds.


So yeah.  I hate food.  I'm terrified of most things.  Like I tried some turkey pepperoni...nope. The pouch doesn't like it.  Green beans? Fuhgeddaboudit. Not happenin'.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not upset about this... which is weird... and I don't for one second regret my surgery...


But going from eating EVERYTHING EVER... to not wanting to eat anything at all...

its annoying as FUCK! 


Like food and I were besties.  Biffles.  Heterolifemates, if you will.  Me and Salt and Vinegar chips... we were gunna make babies.  Now... I look at my pantry of stuffs ( I live with a 10 yr old so snacks are always readily available in my house) and it makes me sick.  I read labels of stuff I used to eat... and it grosses me out.

Okay. End my hatred of food rant.   I wish things were simple and I could just drink my isopure drinks that I love so much all the time.  But I can't.  Because I need to eat real food. So I can have a healthy life and not die of malnutrition and be like this chick.  I don't want to be mad at food forever and get sick and die.  That wasn't the point of this surgery.  The point of this surgery was so I can become healthy and live my life.  Not be a super skinny bitch and drop dead because my heart gave out because my body was starved and fed off its own muscle.  Cause that does happen. 




So... my plan is this:  Every sunday I am going to print out 7 new recipes I find on the interwebs and once night a week I am going to be making them for dinner.  and probably left overs for lunch and what not. 

And... starting monday... I am going to go to the gym every day to try all the classes they offer so I can see exactly what I like and don't like so I can make a schedule of when to go.  However.. I won't be doing yoga.  Apparently I'm to high strung for that kind of thing.  Whatever. That yoga teacher can go zen her ass.


Anyway... recipe ideas are appreciated :)   Please! and thank you!



ALSO!!! OH! GIVEAWAY ALERT FOR ALL MY WLS FRIEEEENNNDDDS <3

My awesome fellow blogger Sam just redid her blog and it is BANGIN!

To celebrate that ( and her 6th month post-op) she is giving away an itunes giftcard!!! 

Everyone can go here to enter!!!







^ Isnt her lil button adorable?? Loves it!

10 to 100 :D

Thats right folks, you read it here first.  I am just 10lbs shy of hitting my 100lb mark.   10 lbs and I will be down 100 lbs since december 28, 2010.  INSANE!!!!  Right?! OMG I KNOW!   Which means in like... 53 days... I've lost 40lbs.  Without even trying.  I'll be honest... I've gone to the gym like... twice since my surgery.  Granted I'm walking around more and what not, and its the summer, so I'm naturally more active... but I haven't like really worked out since like... April.


Sometimes I still can't believe its real.  Like.. this is actually happening and its for reals and my life is seriously changing.  Changing in SOOOO many ways.   I dyed my hair, I'm losing weight, I'm looking for a job, I'm starting to save up for the move.  Which I've revised that plan:

Still visiting my aunt laureen in september... But instead of job hunting and what not, I'll be looking at schools and neighborhoods and then I'll plan on moving in early 2012.  Just so I can save save save up all my monies :)

In other news....  I've had a fabulous couple of weeks with some of my amazing friends... which is why I haven't been around so much.  I've just been living my life and its freakin awesome. Theres just so much to say and not enough time.  A bike ride or a pool is calling my name!


And in even more other news...  ANOTHER EGGFACE GIVEAWAY!  This time its a giveaway for Quest Protein Bars... all the new flavors Eggface has tried :)  She's awesome.  Check out her blog and enter her giveaways!

Getaways and Apostrophies.

So really there are no words to describe this weekend. So I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Bottom line: i have amazing friends and we had amazing times :)




So my apostrophe.

First let me explain what an apostrophe is.  Anyone ever see the movie hook?




So yeah. Lightening has just struck my brain. And no. It didn't hurt.

(quick backstory)
I've been with plenty of men.  I've only been in a few serious relationships in comparison to the number of men I've slept with. I was the fat girl that put out.  I admit it. I've always been that girl to "take what she can get" and I can honestly say I've never valued my relationships with men and I would let them use me and what not.  So yeah, I have no real concept of a healthy relationship and I have no concept of what love actually is.

So after spending my weekend with several couples (happy couples, normal healthy relationship couples) I realized that I want one.  I'm ready for one.  So that made me start thinking about things and like... I'm worth so much more than I used to think. I have a different type of confidence. It's not a confidence in my sexual acts anymore. It's a confidence in myself that I've never had before. I've realized I want to be more than a number to a guy and I don't want him to like me just because I put out. So I just realized like ... I deserve so much more than a hook up and guy who treats me like shit. Like before my surgery I never realized how much I devalued sex and love and everything.

However, my biggest thing is this: I want it to happen organically.  I'm not settling for anything anymore. 


So yeah. Thats my apostrophe.  I think I mean epiphany.

NSVs... mini vacations and giveaways....

So here's some updates (with pics!)

Heres an NSV (non scale victory) that I noticed the other day at lunch with my little pseudo sister (the one in the picture in my last blog with the dress)

This made me SUPER excited!!!   just don't mind the spelling mistake. lol.   But yeah.. theres finally a space between my belly and the table while sitting in a booth :) this made me so excited :D its been SOO long since this has happened :)

another little NSV is this bathing suit I bought at old navy.  its an XXL, and it fits :)  I havent been able to buy anything at old navy other than tank tops (and even those didn't always fit) in SUCH a long time :) 

First of all... its not all black.  I can't tell you the last time i didn't wear a colored bathing suit.  and its cute.  and its not a regular tank top strapped one.  ANNNDDDD I can't wait to wear it this weekend for the long weekend in PA my friends and I are taking :)

I cannot freaking wait to leave this island for a few days :) :) its going to be awesome just to relax and spend an awesome long weekend with some even more awesome people <3


Now ... also... its time for another Eggface Giveaway!!  Eggface a.k.a Shelly is a prominent member of the WLS community and such a huge advocate for WLS and the decision to have a healthier life style!  She is always giving back and this is another one of those times!  She's on her 3rd giveaway for the month of june (her surgery month, she's 5 years post-op as of TODAY!!!) Go and enter!!!!

Have a great week everyone!

Reality check

So... this is my reality check...

There *IS* a difference.  The picture in january was taken 3 days after my first appointment with my surgeon.  The Picture in june was taken at my 3 week check up.  

I've been feeling really blah about things because I felt like I wasn't losing fast enough and what not... but... i'm down 76 lbs.  Since December.   What I was losing in a month or two... I lost in 3 weeks.  I'm coming to realize its all about perspective.  

These pictures also help with the contrast and everything and really helps me see the difference ... particularly in my face.


I know life with the RNY isn't a race.  Its a marathon.  So I'm at a really good pace right now. 

Heres another reality check...  my friend got married may 21 2010.  just over a year later, my pseudo little sister fits in my bridesmaid dress with me..

So I don't know how to flip it, but you get the idea...

Just a quick update :)

So... yesterday, I was able to eat.  Well... I had to force myself because I'm never hungry, but my nut and Dr.K  said I had to eat... soooo  I did.  I had tuna fish for lunch, some of my modified version of Shelly's Ricotta Bake and then for dinner I had about 2 1/2 oz of chicken :)  Everything went down fine, and sat well.  This morning I'm starting my day with a scrambled egg with red. fat mozz. cheese :)  Its delicious :)  As per my nut and Dr. K today will be the first day of setting my cell phone alarm and eating when it goes off.  He said once I get into the routine of eating my body will have a "hunger" when I'm "supposed" to eat.  He said it wont be like the hunger I used to have... but more of a "hm... usually theres something in the pouch by now... lets get something in there" as opposed to the stomach growling and other typical hunger signs. 

Anyway... for all my WLS friends... Eggface is doing another one of her giveaways!!!  She's the super cool awesome lady who had gastric bypass 5 years ago (her anniversary is this month!) and has done an amazing job at losing and keeping the weight off! She's also an awesome blogger who shares all her recipes and ideas and offers so much guidance!  I learned so much during my pre-op phase from reading her blog (plus it totally kept me entertained at school ... while I was supposed to do work... whatevs)  She is definitely (or at least in my opinion *should* be) a household name for anyone who has had WLS.

CLICK HERE! to see her blog and directions for entering her giveaway!!!